Tumi Wellness

8 reasons why “Entanglements” are not for the faint hearted!

Wow Jada Pinkett Smith has made the world go WILD with her latest Red Table Talk. In the interview she describes getting into an “entanglement” with August Alsina. What exactly is an entanglement?? Is it the same as friends with benefits? What’s the story with situationships? I discuss this a little deeper in my youtube video: https://youtu.be/GBFk086pSrE

Modern day dating is a completely different ball game compared to it’s ancestor, traditional courtship. These days, more interesting terms have been added to the dating vocabulary including situationships, friends with benefits, no strings attached and more recently, entanglements. But what do all these phrases really mean? Essentially, these terms are used to describe a relationship, usually physical, that has no strings attached. This means you are together but not exclusive. Basically, you are both allowed to see other people. Social media, pop culture and TV shows have normalised the nature of these kinds relationships, but these are not for the faint hearted! People make casual dating seems so easy!! It was something I could never do and felt strange because I was always that girl who wanted more than what was being offered. I mean the one guy I wanted to keep it casual with, I married! So clearly I’m no good at it!

The murky waters of open relationships tend to leave one party investing more than the other and feeling cheated. There are some women who are excellent at keeping it casual, then there are others out there like me who are simply not cut out for it. Are there any other exclusivity junkies out there?? No? Just me? Well this is awkward..

Let me explain why being “friends with benefits” never worked for me:

1. Catching feelings

If becoming emotionally attached was a person, that would be me! I was always searching for a connection and meaning with my encounters. Wearing your heart on your sleeve is a bad idea in these scenarios. I wanted to mean something special to you and never wanted to feel disposable. This is the complete opposite of what most people look for in casual dating!

2. Wanting to know where I stand.

“What are we??” Yes.. I was that girl. I needed to know what box to file you in inside my head. I never wanted to misunderstand the extent of the relationship and needed to know if it was heading somewhere or not. Naturally the other gender were often scared off by the question and took off at lightning speed! Looking back I realise I was better off. My question was answered, even though it wasn’t answered quite the way I expected!

3. Jealousy

Ah yes that green monster, and not the Hulk so calm down Marvel fans. I am a jealous girl! The thought of you entertaining other women while you are with me drove me nuts! Even though that is exactly what I signed up for.

4. Needing security

I wanted someone I could rely on, who could be there for me when I need them the most. I wanted someone who I could wish a good morning and tell about my day. Someone I could wish a goodnight and give me the warm and fuzzies before I sleep. As you can tell, I wanted a boyfriend!

5. Personal hygiene

The thought of swapping saliva with potentially a bunch of other women completely grossed me out! When I read up on how long the bacteria from someone else’s saliva stays in your mouth I swore off casual dating for life!

6. Someone always gets hurt

And usually, that person was me. I find people are rarely on the same page emotionally and one is usually more invested than the other. This is a recipe for disaster because it usually means you’re both pulling in different directions and that rarely ends well.

7.You introduce them as your…??

This. Right. Here. What do I call you? You are my…? You’re not my friend because there is definitely more than friendship between us, and you’re not my boyfriend because, hello, we are keeping it casual. And if we never go out in public together I feel like your dirty little secret. There is just no winning!

8.How much of myself do I invest?

What do we talk about? I can’t talk about my past or my childhood because that’s too deep, but I also can’t talk about the weather 24/7 either. Where is the line between easy conversation and telling you my life story? I talk a lot and sometimes too much conversation would scare guys away. If I have to gag myself and measure every single word I say, then it’s no longer worth it in my opinion. Whether entanglements are your cup of tea or not, be true to yourself. It’s so important to know what you can and cannot handle and there’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want from the beginning and laying your cards on the table. Whether it’s an easy breezy no strings attached scenario or dating for marriage, knowing what you want and sticking to that is half the battle!

#TumiWellness #RelationshipSeries #Entanglement #FriendsWithBenefits


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